[Candy Review] 3 Musketeers Truffle Crisp Bars

Purchased at: Casey’s General Store
Cost: $1.09
Reviewed by: Zac Pritcher

I’m way too fat for the bike that I currently ride. It’s an early 1990s Schwinn Le Tour that my step dad once used for racing in triathlons. Yeah, triathlons. As in three athlons. Under any normal circumstances, I would have never even thought of riding a bike like that. In fact, the only reason I have it now is because I found it in my shed, where it has been sitting for the past 15 years. When we found it, mice had completely devoured the padding on the seat, the tires were flat and the rims were a bit bent from sitting in a single spot for so long.

Since finding it, I’ve had it serviced, replaced the seat, trued the rims and put a decent amount of mileage on it. I love it. It’s super light and goes really fast, though I could complain about the lack of comfort one experiences while riding it. If I cared that much, though, I would just ride my 2010 Schwinn City Series, which is probably the most comfortable cruising bike ever made. I do ride it from time to time, but I’ve become accustomed to the insane amounts of speed made possible by this road bike.

What does this have to do with the new 3 Musketeers Truffle Crisp Bars? Absolutely nothing.

I just like my bikes. There’s something about riding a bicycle that just makes you feel wonderful. You aren’t polluting the planet, you feel the cool wind blow through your hair, you have the freedom to go wherever you want, and you get a great exercise. Nothing can really compare in terms of transportation to a bicycle. It’s just you, using your own energy to to operate the piece of machinery on which you sit. It’s beautiful.

I’ve also got this sweet 1959 Schwinn Jaguar Mark IV that I found in a junk shop for $50. Once I finish restoring it, it’ll be worth over $500. Pretty awesome, right? Too bad I’ve had it for about a month or so without making any real progress on it. I’ve stripped it apart and taken off tons of rust, but I can’t find the parts that I need.

Three Musketeers Truffle Crisp Bars are bad, and there’s no way around it. There’s no substance, there’s very little flavor, and the whole thing is just a bland, dry waste of cash. I don’t think I’ve ever had a less pleasing candy bar in my entire life. Ever. Not even once. There’s literally nothing to this candy bar. You bite into it and it basically turns into a powder, then a goo inside of your mouth. It feels like you’re chewing air after about two seconds.

The only good think I can think of to say about this candy is that for the two seconds that it actually has flavor it doesn’t taste bad. It’s a really yummy chocolate, the same that’s found in 3 Muketeers’ regular bars. Unfortunately, the truffle crisp is absolutely flavorless, and in moments you’re disappointed that you wasted your money.

Then again, maybe I’m just not gay.

Does it Hit the Spot?

Are you an anorexic twelve year old with a hankering for chocolate but a vast fear of consuming any type of substance? If so, then yes. This will likely hit the spot for you. If you are anyone else, except for The Everyview Network’s editor, Casual Clay Cunningham, then you need to skip this awful candy bar.

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20 Responses to “[Candy Review] 3 Musketeers Truffle Crisp Bars”

  1. […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Cybele May, Everyview and David Roshinski, Caffeine A Holic. Caffeine A Holic said: RT @Everyview: New candy bar review! http://wp.me/pZc9Y-4z 3 Musketeers Truffle Crisp Bars. They suck. […]

  2. Clay says:

    I once left this bar in my car in the sweltering heat, then brought it in and refrigerated it, then ate it. It was delicious. But I guess if you’re in the mood to tell a bike riding story and need a candy bar to bash on to get your point across, this one’s a good choice.

  3. Rodzilla says:

    First of all; I’m also a fan of bikes.

    As for the truffle crisps…THANK YOU. I’ve seen far too many reviews giving these passing scores. They are the worst candy bar I’ve ever had.

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