Location: Holiday World, Santa Claus, IN
Reviewed by: Zac Pritcher
Just yesterday I took a trip down to Santa Claus, Indiana to visit one of my favorite theme parks, Holiday World. The park is split into several differently themed areas, including Christmas, 4th of July, Halloween and Thanksgiving, as well as an entire water park called Splashin' Safari. With a park with this many different themes at play, you bet there are plenty of different restaurants scattered about the premises, each following the theme of the area in which they are located.Kringle's Kafe', as I'm sure you've guessed, is the flagship eatery within the Christmas area. It's one of the first places you pass on your way into the park, and is the biggest restaurant Holiday World has, coincidentally making it the only place to eat with indoor seating. This made it the perfect lunch pitstop during the hot and humid weather we saw on our visit.ReviewIf you were to guess what type of eatery Kringle's was, chances are you'd assume they offered some type of seasonal meal options like honey ham, yams, green beans, fruit cake, and maybe even some type of pie. I mean, what else would you expect from a restaurant with such a vibrant Christmas theme? Once you're inside the illusion of a jolly winter holiday theme is pumped to the max, with seasonal decorations and paintings all over the place. There is even a giant tyrannical statue of Santa Claus himself, watching out over the dining room making sure all of the kids on his turf are behaving themselves, menacingly silent but always ready to pounce on his first unsuspecting victim.Bow to your new master.
And then you get to the counter and see the menu. Oh, of course. It’s a pizzeria. It makes… perfect sense?
At any rate, I ordered a Combo # 1, which includes a slice of pizza (cheese, pepperoni, or sausage), a side (one of the following: fries, a breadstick, apple sauce, fruit cup), and a package of two chocolate Oreos. I got sausage pizza and fries, and helped myself to a free Mountain Dew. For those of you who have never been, Holiday World offers free unlimited soft drinks to all patrons, and have various buildings set up across the park and in the restaurants with drink dispensers, a truth that makes this theme park that much more awesome.
When I finally got my food, I was starving. It had been about eight hours since breakfast, and that time included a two and a half hour drive, a few roller coasters, a wave pool, and a couple of water slides. Keep in mind that constant trekking through Holiday World’s campus is extra strenuous, due to the fact that the park was built on a hill.
The first thing I noticed was that my tray was soaking wet, which disgusts me almost as much as if the thing hadn’t been washed at all. As far as I am concerned, there is nothing worse than eating off of something covered in dirty dishwater. Still, I managed to get past this initial turn off and keep my tremendous appetite. The food all looked decent enough, and I was too hungry to let something as trivial as germs keep me from stuffing my face.
The first thing I started munching on were the fries, and they were awful. In texture they were super crispy in an effort to hide their tremendous greasiness. They also left an awful starchiness in your mouth, a trademark sign of leftover or reheated french fries. Even drowning them in ketchup wasn't enough to cover up the disgusting amounts of grease.
The pizza was a little bit better, as I could tell it had potential to be good. Still a handful of things kept it from being something I would choose to eat outside of a theme park. First off, like the fries, it was extremely greasy. Number two, it had been sitting under a heating lamp for a while, long enough for the cheese to dry off at least. Finally, the sauce, the best part about the pizza, existed in the most minuscule amount possible, making this slice an utterly dry and slimy grease fest.
Still, I ate every last bite.
Does it hit the spot?
Not hardly. I left full, the calories definitely gave me a much needed boost of energy, and pizza sounded like the perfect meal at the time. Why wasn’t I satisfied? The buckets of grease bogged me down, making it hard to comfortably ride rides or stand in line without suffering an urge to release a violent bowel movement.
Next time I go I’ll probably skip on the fries and opt for the applesauce instead, hopefully avoiding some of the grease. It’s not an awful place to eat, but it certainly isn’t something I’d eat when not trapped inside of a theme park.
