Reviewed by: Zac Pritcher
How long has Burger King had breakfast?
As long as I can consciously remember. I’m sure if I dug deep enough into my suppressed memory I would be able to find a time that the King didn’t offer as much saturated fat as Roseanne Barr’s left thigh in the morning hours, but doing so is dangerous. Who knows what else I might find while digging through the purposefully forgotten banks of my memories? Forgotten stories of Uncle Chuck’s “games”? Concealed memories of my infant brother Todd, whom in a fit of jealous range I suffocated and ate, only to have my parents convince me it was just a dream so I could grow up and continue to function?
Nah, none of that stuff ever happened to me. But I feel bad for the sorry sonofabitch that just remembered losing their virginity to the football team when he was only seven years old.
Wait what was my point? Oh yeah! Have you seen those awful new commercials of BK promoting their “New” breakfast menu? If not, good for you. I don’t understand it. BK has had breakfast for a really long time, why are they promoting it like it’s something wholly new just because they added like five new items and switched their coffee brand?
Regardless, the point of this review is Burger King’s Ciabatta Club, and how it’s not that great.
There, I’ve successfully made my point, so you no longer have to read any more of this review. For a sandwich with as much fat as a Whopper (or close, at least) you’d think this thing would be absolutely delicious. Sadly, it’s not much more than mediocre. The ciabatta bread roll is whole grain, and the sandwich contains ham, tomatoes, and a light-tasting sauce. Where the Hell does all this fat come from? I don’t get it! This thing looks, sounds and tastes far more healthy than other fast food breakfast items, but it’s actually worse for you than most other options.
But what makes it so mediocre? That’s a hard question to answer. Really, just about everything. The bread is nice at first, with a grainy flavor that is a welcomed change of pace, but it quickly becomes less appealing as you tread through the sandwich, becoming a chore to chew and swallow. The ham isn’t very plentiful, and is decent at best. The sauce is really weird tasting at first but you’ll slowly get used to it and may even like it. If the tomatoes weren’t soggy slices of disgustingly unfresh produce they may have been enough to make me smile after eating this, as they were the best part of the sandwich.
Nothing makes it good, and nothing makes it bad. It’s just there. It looks good. It sounds good. But unfortunately, it’s just a rather weak menu item.
Does it Hit the Spot?
Unfortunately, no. With all the fat and sodium this thing packs, you would think it would be absolutely delicious. Instead, it’s a healthy-tasting fast food sandwich, bland and flavorless, that packs as much punch as the greasiest of the lunch items. Don’t put your body through this sandwich. It’s not tasty enough to warrant all that fat and calories.