Purchased at: Some gas station
Cost: $1.19/9 oz. bag
Reviewed by: XAQuiri Daiquiri
I’m not going to waste my time crafting a witty or informative product introduction, nor am I going to waste your time by making you scroll through it to the summary section of this review. Instead, I’m going to talk about what’s on my mind. Right now, at this current moment, I can’t stop thinking about how much I really don’t want to go to work. It isn’t that I don’t like my job or anything, because I really totally love it. But I just feel like absolute shit today. The reason? I was prescribed some antibiotics recently, and I just took them on an empty stomach. Now I keep farting and puking, everything is spinning like a shitty ’80s music video, and my butthole is bleeding because I wiped too hard the other day. This happens every time I take an antibiotic (except for the bleeding anus… that does happens every time I wipe too hard, though).
Needless to say, I hold a very thorough disdain for antibiotics and their side effects. However I very much enjoy Beer Chips, which are chips made with beer (derp). I ran into these whilst my lovely girlfriend and I made a quick stop at a roadside gas station on the return trip from Five Guys Burgers and Fries, alongside two other flavors (Margarita and Bloody Mary), and decided they would be a great product to review since I haven’t reviewed anything in quite a while on this site (Holy shit… it’s been over a fucking year).
The packaging, all golden and shiny like Lenny Kravitz’s sexy eyelids in The Hunger Games and everyday life, is appealing and stands out on a shelf with similar products thus making it easy to spot. Inside, the chips are thick-cut and kettle-cooked to ensure a satisfying crunch. Aside from beer, which actually isn’t a very prominent flavor, the chips are coated with a delicious layer of salty goodness and coated in honey, which guarantees you’ll be wiping your hands on your already-stained undershirt and leaving greasy fingerprints all over your keyboard. It also tastes absolutely wonderful.
At only $1.19 per 9 0z. bag (though I’ve seen reports online of much higher prices), these are a total bargain. They have a great texture and taste, and competitively priced to match and ever undercut most of the gas station cuisine you’d find beside Beer Chips on the shelf. However, nothing I’ve said thus far has made me feel any better, and I still have to go to work. I’m never taking antibiotics again, no matter how bad the chlamydia burns my pee.
Does it Hit the Spot?
Beer Chips will almost absolutely satisfy your next snack attack. They’re sweet, savory, crunchy, and entirely delicious. Are there other, better chips out there? Absolutely. However, Beer Chips has a really awesome and effective gimmick going for it, which is sure to make just the novelty of having chips made with beer worth storing a few bags in your cupboard for the next poker night or football game or whatever “manly” guys do with their time. I just watch porn and play Zelda, and Beer Chips certainly offer great accompaniment for my recreational activities.